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Navigating the Grief of Going No Contact with a Narcissistic Family Member or Partner

Writer's picture: Michelle Louise Michelle Louise

Updated: Oct 17, 2024

Introduction:


• Briefly define narcissistic abuse and the concept of going no contact.

• Acknowledge that the decision to cut ties is often a last resort after long-term emotional and psychological harm.

• Introduce the idea that grief is a natural and complex process in these situations, despite the necessity of severing ties.


1. Understanding the Unique Nature of This Grief


• Going no contact is unlike traditional grief (e.g., losing someone to death), as it involves a conscious decision to remove someone toxic from your life.

• The grief may involve mourning the relationship you wish you had, the future you hoped for, or the family dynamic you always wanted.


2. The Five Stages of Grief in the Context of Narcissistic Abuse:


Denial:


• Denial often appears before the decision to go no contact.

• Discuss the difficulty in accepting that a loved one is narcissistic and incapable of healthy love.

• Examples of common thoughts: “Maybe they’ll change,” “I’m overreacting,” or “It’s not that bad.”


Anger:


• Anger may surface once you realise the depth of manipulation and harm.

• The anger can be directed at the narcissist for their behaviour or at oneself for tolerating it for so long.

• Recognise that this anger is part of reclaiming your self-worth and independence.


Bargaining:


• Even after going no contact, there might be a strong urge to rationalise a way back into the relationship.

• Common bargaining thoughts: “Maybe if I approach them differently,” or “If I just explain myself better, they’ll understand.”

• Highlight the importance of resisting the temptation to re-engage, as narcissists rarely change.


Depression:


• This stage involves deep sadness and loss.

• The reality of going no contact hits hard, especially if it’s with a family member or long-term partner.

• Grieving the loss of hope for change, the idea of family, and even the loss of shared memories.

• It’s important to allow space for this sadness while maintaining boundaries.


Acceptance:


• Acceptance doesn’t mean you no longer feel pain, but you come to terms with the decision and the reasons behind it.

• Over time, peace comes from recognising that no contact was necessary for your mental health and emotional safety.

• Acceptance brings the realisation that healing is possible, and life can be fulfilling without the narcissist.


3. Additional Emotions and Challenges:


• Guilt: Many individuals feel guilty, especially if the narcissist is a family member. Society often reinforces the idea that family should always stick together.

• Loneliness: Going no contact can be isolating, especially if others don’t understand your decision or if the narcissist has turned others against you.

• Relief: Though it can take time to reach, many feel an overwhelming sense of relief once they’ve successfully distanced themselves from the toxicity.


4. The Healing Process After Going No Contact:


• Healing requires time, patience, and support. Therapy, self-care, and connecting with others who understand narcissistic abuse can help.

• Rebuild self-esteem and trust in your own judgment.

• Explore the importance of establishing healthy boundaries in future relationships to prevent a recurrence of toxic dynamics.


5. Conclusion:


• Going no contact is not easy, and it brings its own emotional challenges, but it’s often a necessary step for healing from narcissistic abuse.

• Grief is a natural part of the process, but it doesn’t last forever.

• Please seek professional help if you need and remember you are not alone in this experience.


Shelly Ramsay






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